It's so hard to say goodbye.

How does one fully express one's self at the passing of a loved one? You can reminisce about the time spent together, cry about the missed opportunities for the future, or .... what? My beloved Grandma passed away very suddenly this weekend, and I must admit that I am at a loss at how to express what I feel. I am devastated for sure, but there is this edge of surealism that is preventing the healing process, because I just can't believe that she is really gone.

I have great bunch of siblings that are reaching out to help my mother at this time. I don't think that most people would consider a 57- year-old who has lost both parents to be a orphan, but I know that this is how she feels. I think that the greatest blessing to come out of this is now we can give my grandmother the opportunity to accept the gospel and be sealed to my grandfather. No one in my mother's family is a member of our church, but they worked very hard to be supportive of the things that were important to us like when my brothers went on missions and when we were all married in the Temple. considering we were their only grandchildren, I thought that this was very nice.

My grandmother was a vital part of my life. I am not close with my dad's family at all, but my mom's family was always there for every important occasion, be it dance recitals, band concerts, graduations, etc. She was also there for the non important stuff, the evey day stuff. And it was through these occasions that I learned how important she was to me. My best memories of childhood involve sitting on this high stool in her sunny kitchen swinging back and forth as I told her some tale (always exaggerated) and she patiently listened as she was making something and then said, "well, that was sure some story Miss Jessie, are you sure that this is how it happened?" My grandma always called me Miss Jessie. She had since I was little, and continued to this day.

I loved my grandma and I will miss her so terribly. My biggest regret is that my children will not have the opportunity to know her personally. Love you and Miss you Grandma.

Hildegard Betty Binnie

December 26, 1924-May 3, 2008

Beloved Mother, Grandmother, and Friend