Overdue Update

I guess that I should follow up on my promise to tell all about what we did on the anniversary of Eric's birth. Sorry for the wait.

Well, I was really curious to know what was worse- the anticipation, or the day itself. Without a doubt, it was the anticipation. Or, to be honest, it was the day before. This was the worst day that I have had in a really long time. That evening was so long. During the day wasn't so bad. I was busy with clients and had no real time to reflect. But as the evening approached, I found myself watching the clock, without really knowing why. Suddenly it hit me that I was watching and remembering what had happened at this exact time last year.

When it was that I thought something was wrong.
When I picked Mark up so that we could go to the hospital.
When I was admitted.
When they did the first tests.
When they told us our baby was gone.
When we had to make phone calls.
and so on and so forth.

Hideous, ugly, horrifying thoughts poured into my mind. Things that I thought that I had forgotten came flowing back into my mind with perfect clarity. All night long I was plagued with these thoughts and with them came fear. Fear of having to do this with future pregnancies. Finally in anguish I turned to Mark and asked him to help me find relief with a prayer. Thank goodness for righteous husbands who put aside their own grief to help with someone else.

The next day was fine. We went to breakfast together. I went shopping with my sister in law (really, a sister of the heart) who made sure I was okay. Mark and I had a nap. Then we went out for a wonderful supper together to celebrate our son. We went to the cemetery to pick to weeds and reflect. Then we came home and chilled out for the rest of the night. A good time was had by all.

We know that our son is doing great. How many parents can say that with total conviction? We love him, miss him, but we are ready for all that the future has to hold.

Thanks for all of the flowers, mementos, etc. that so many were kind enough to drop off. We love you and are very thankful that you are our friends.