Welcome to the family Jenna Catherine Chantel Spencer. Arrived 4:10pm Thursday. We are very excited that she is finally here (even though she came early). Look at all of that hair.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
A Late Valentine
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and Ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,-I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!-and, if God choose,
I shall love thee better after death.
What wonderful words. I wish that I could claim them, but that is some straight up Elizabeth Barrett Browning. She said it best. Nothing says love like a sonnet from the 1800s.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Hope
As most of you know, it has been quite the year for me. We have had so many ups and downs, I was beginning to get dizzy! Last Friday, I had finally had enough! I burst into tears in the middle of the kitchen, and sobbing uncontrollably, I tried to explain to my wonderful, understandably concerned husband, what was going on.
I think that I, to use a horrible cliche, had reached the end of my tether, and it all came pouring out. The doubts, the fears, the feelings of hurt and inadequacy. My poor mind. It literally hurt to let all of these private thoughts out of my head and share them with Mark. And finally, when I had run through them all, I simply stated that I needed some hope. I needed to know that things were going to get better. Then, in the form of a teary husband, I found what I had been blindly searching for. What a guy. After watching his wife slowly grow hysterical, he calmly told me he loved me, and he wouldn't have me any other way.
Thank the Lord for patient husbands who continue to love us, even when the crazy comes out.
On another note, after getting out the bad vibes, we had a long talk, a long prayer, and a feeling of Hope came to both of us.
I think that I, to use a horrible cliche, had reached the end of my tether, and it all came pouring out. The doubts, the fears, the feelings of hurt and inadequacy. My poor mind. It literally hurt to let all of these private thoughts out of my head and share them with Mark. And finally, when I had run through them all, I simply stated that I needed some hope. I needed to know that things were going to get better. Then, in the form of a teary husband, I found what I had been blindly searching for. What a guy. After watching his wife slowly grow hysterical, he calmly told me he loved me, and he wouldn't have me any other way.
Thank the Lord for patient husbands who continue to love us, even when the crazy comes out.
On another note, after getting out the bad vibes, we had a long talk, a long prayer, and a feeling of Hope came to both of us.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
A Show of Support
So after weeks of nervousness and brief moments of panic, I made my way to my very first support group this evening. I don't think "Terrified" fully communicates my feelings on the subject.
To explain: Back in November, I was approached by the wife of one of my clients regarding her desire to be part of a support group that was specifically for mothers of stillborn children. She wanted to know if I was interested in attending with her. At the time I said, sure, whatever, and promptly forgot about it. Then it started to get more serious before Christmas, when I started communicating with a coordinator for the HOPE group. Sherry is a wonderful woman and she took on the responsibility of leading this sorry group of women through the initial stages of grief. Again, I agreed to be a part of the group, not really sure why I was doing so. I have not felt a lack of support during the last few months, and by her own admission, my situation was quite different from the other women in the group. Still, I felt like it was something that I needed to do, and after tonight I am so glad that I did. Tears were shed, stories were told, and feelings were felt. It was so nice to be in a setting where you didn't need to explain all of the emotions that you run through in a day, week, or month. These women, though very different, all came together with a common goal; we needed to talk and to be understood. We needed each other. This group is really interesting because it is a Christian-based group, and at the end, Sherry asked us all to tell her where we were with our spirituality. She wanted to know if we belonged to a church and how we felt towards God. It was wonderful to share my love for my Heavenly Father and to say what an integral part He has played in not only my healing, but also in my survival in hard times. There was a woman attending this evening that admitted that she was currently asking questions about God and faith,etc. I felt very drawn to her and I wonder if she is part of the reason why I felt a need to be a part of this group. Time will tell.
Anyway, to summarize, it was not easy, but it was good.
To explain: Back in November, I was approached by the wife of one of my clients regarding her desire to be part of a support group that was specifically for mothers of stillborn children. She wanted to know if I was interested in attending with her. At the time I said, sure, whatever, and promptly forgot about it. Then it started to get more serious before Christmas, when I started communicating with a coordinator for the HOPE group. Sherry is a wonderful woman and she took on the responsibility of leading this sorry group of women through the initial stages of grief. Again, I agreed to be a part of the group, not really sure why I was doing so. I have not felt a lack of support during the last few months, and by her own admission, my situation was quite different from the other women in the group. Still, I felt like it was something that I needed to do, and after tonight I am so glad that I did. Tears were shed, stories were told, and feelings were felt. It was so nice to be in a setting where you didn't need to explain all of the emotions that you run through in a day, week, or month. These women, though very different, all came together with a common goal; we needed to talk and to be understood. We needed each other. This group is really interesting because it is a Christian-based group, and at the end, Sherry asked us all to tell her where we were with our spirituality. She wanted to know if we belonged to a church and how we felt towards God. It was wonderful to share my love for my Heavenly Father and to say what an integral part He has played in not only my healing, but also in my survival in hard times. There was a woman attending this evening that admitted that she was currently asking questions about God and faith,etc. I felt very drawn to her and I wonder if she is part of the reason why I felt a need to be a part of this group. Time will tell.
Anyway, to summarize, it was not easy, but it was good.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Sickness
–adjective
1.
afflicted with ill health or disease; ailing.
2.
affected with nausea; inclined to vomit.
3.
deeply affected with some unpleasant feeling, as of sorrow, disgust, or boredom: sick at heart; to be sick of parties.
4.
mentally, morally, or emotionally deranged, corrupt, or unsound: a sick mind; wild statements that made him seem sick.
5.
characteristic of a sick mind: sick fancies.
6.
dwelling on or obsessed with that which is gruesome, sadistic, ghoulish, or the like; morbid: a sick comedian; sick jokes.
7.
of, pertaining to, or for use during sickness: He applied for sick benefits.
I particularly enjoy #4. One question, if you were not of sound mind, would you know? or, would someone have to point it out for you? I don't believe that this is the sickness from which I am currently suffering (though, as previously discussed, would you even know?!), my situation seems to be closer to #1. Never fear, I am on the mend after a day of sleep in a chair (but my butt hurts a little). I hope that you enjoyed your Sunday.
1.
afflicted with ill health or disease; ailing.
2.
affected with nausea; inclined to vomit.
3.
deeply affected with some unpleasant feeling, as of sorrow, disgust, or boredom: sick at heart; to be sick of parties.
4.
mentally, morally, or emotionally deranged, corrupt, or unsound: a sick mind; wild statements that made him seem sick.
5.
characteristic of a sick mind: sick fancies.
6.
dwelling on or obsessed with that which is gruesome, sadistic, ghoulish, or the like; morbid: a sick comedian; sick jokes.
7.
of, pertaining to, or for use during sickness: He applied for sick benefits.
I particularly enjoy #4. One question, if you were not of sound mind, would you know? or, would someone have to point it out for you? I don't believe that this is the sickness from which I am currently suffering (though, as previously discussed, would you even know?!), my situation seems to be closer to #1. Never fear, I am on the mend after a day of sleep in a chair (but my butt hurts a little). I hope that you enjoyed your Sunday.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
My Latest obsession
*sigh!* I didn't think that I needed yet another reality television show to become addicted to, but now it seems like every Monday I am obsessed with who receives this silly longstemmed red rose. Who do you want to win the whole thing? I root for Molly.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
opps-i forgot
I love my class; I love my grouchy husband; I love that people trust us to teach their children the fundamentals of the gospel; I love that I get to be reminded every week that Heavenly Father loves me. How grateful I am that I have been given this opportunity to teach.
There. I just needed to remind myself that I am grateful. Bad mood gone.
There. I just needed to remind myself that I am grateful. Bad mood gone.
I love Children, really...really I do
So, primary is fun. Especially when you have kids who all want things their way, all want to talk at the same time, have no interest in the lesson (despite hours of work trying to make it fun), and feel that the chairs are there to repeatedly jump off of, as well as a husband who has a cold and therefore has absolutely no patience.
We have been primary teachers for two and a half years now and we have been given the classes that they think need extra work. Awesome. I truly enjoy our new class, but there are days that I miss our last class. We had them trained. These guys are a new challenge. Their last teacher said today that he was sure that we would have our hands full because they hadn't tried to contain them at all. Great. I think that things will be just fine, but today I am tired.
I have often thought that I needed to learn patience, and maybe that is why we are still in primary. The worst part is that the child that is the least behaved is my nephew!
We have been primary teachers for two and a half years now and we have been given the classes that they think need extra work. Awesome. I truly enjoy our new class, but there are days that I miss our last class. We had them trained. These guys are a new challenge. Their last teacher said today that he was sure that we would have our hands full because they hadn't tried to contain them at all. Great. I think that things will be just fine, but today I am tired.
I have often thought that I needed to learn patience, and maybe that is why we are still in primary. The worst part is that the child that is the least behaved is my nephew!
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